So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
