When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
