Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
