Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
