census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
