: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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