I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
