He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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