Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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