headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
