i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
