he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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