Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
