After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
