she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
