Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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