The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
