I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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