Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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