Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
