Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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