I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
