So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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