Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
