If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
