By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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