i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
