I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
