Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
