i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
