My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
