Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
