you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
