please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
