12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
