You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
