Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Randomize
