Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
