I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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