My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
