What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
