She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
