So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
