If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
