Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
