i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
