so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
