I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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