I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
