if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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