He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
