i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
