I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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