I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
