I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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